Before I start I have one article I would like everyone who plays Candy Crush Saga to consider. As many of you know I wrote, Why You Should Boycott King and Candy Crush Saga, less than a month ago, and now I have another reason to encourage it. Please read this: CandySwipe Open Letter to King regarding trademark. We cannot sit back and allow corporations to take over the little guy in any field, especially artistic ones. Thank you for taking a minute out of your day.
After my previous post about my mother’s death affecting my feelings about graduation, I received many heartfelt messages here and in my email. I cannot express how much I appreciate your encouragement and how you took a minute to share your personal story in order to help me. I am always blown away by how lovely everyone is. Thank you.
You are the single reason I decided I had to write this post today.
Everyone has insecurities. It happens. It’s natural. We’re human, after all. And we live in a world that is often setting up expectations full of judgement. I am no different than anyone else. I have had my list of insecurities. I don’t normally do this, and I probably won’t do it again for a long time, but I thought I would share some facts about myself that I used to struggle with that I haven’t shared before. Again, this is in the hopes of helping others embrace themselves, especially those parts of you that you cannot change.
1. My handwriting is horrible – seriously horrible.
I was originally left-handed, but I now write with my right hand. Before this switch, my handwriting was normal. Now, I can’t even read it sometimes. I often get told I “write like a boy” – which, in itself, I now think is wrong.
But what’s the reason? When I was eleven, I was showing someone how to shoot a basketball in my morning gym class. That’s when I tripped, and my hand slammed into the floor. At the time, I didn’t know it, but I had broken my growth plate. When I told the school nurse I was hurt, they sent me back to class because they thought I was trying to skip a math test. I didn’t go to the hospital until nine that evening. Consequensly, I did permanent damage, and my right arm is now significantly longer than my left arm. Instead of handwriting, I definitely type everything up. But I’m not mad about the situation. The nurse was doing her job, and things happen. Mistakes happen. I embrace it. I learned how to write with my right hand, I use black, G-2 pens to cheer myself up (because those pens are lovely) and I often show off my shorter arm as a party joke. When it hurts, (because it often hurts), I remind myself that I can always exercise it to make it stronger. I also remind myself that there are people who don’t have hands at all. I am lucky that I can still type with it, that I still have it, and knowing how lucky I am has allowed me to stay positive about physical therapy with my hand and overall arm strength.
2. I have bad depth perception.
Believe it or not, my eyes are totally different sizes. It’s true, and before you think this is normal, it is significant (although most cannot tell until I point it out.) I actually have depth perception problems from it, which I was diagnosed with my freshman year in college. They have to test my eyes every time I get a driver’s license renewed. Perhaps this is why I’m so clumsy. (I hit everything.) But I can laugh at myself. Learning to laugh at myself is pretty easy and quite enjoyable. I cannot change the size of my eyes or how I physically see the world, but I can change how I mentally see the world. I can have a positive attitude about the world.
3. I talk funny. (I say “funny” because it often makes people laugh.)
I was born in Allentown, Pennsylvania. By the time I was fifteen, I had also lived in Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Georgia, Kansas, and Missouri. This has caused some confusion in my speech patterns and idioms, often causing me to stutter. I have a lot of things backwards, and my accents come out together – at the same time, I can sound like a southern belle that once lived in Canada (mainly because my father lived in Canada, and I’ve picked up his phrases as well as the ones I received from Green Bay, Wisconsin.) Saying “turn on the garburator” at a party isn’t understood at an American house-warming party, but I sure love explaining it. Those moments that I have to take time to explain what I am saying have now become moments that allow me to explain my background and how it has shaped me into the individual that I am today. And I love who I am today, stuttering or not.
4. My eyebrows are REALLY far apart
I’ve even had someone email me this statement before, like they thought they were helping me from over tweezing. Believe it or not, I was born that way, and I know my left eyebrow sits halfway over my eye. I got the look from my grandfather, and you know what? My grandfather was a pretty awesome person. So good for my spaced out eyebrows. They show off my family history. They show off the genes that also make me who I am. They remind me of family.
5. I am really pale, and I don’t tan…or burn.
I swear. I went to Puerto Rico, barely used sunscreen, and nothing happened. I just don’t’ react – although I can admit that I got extremely burned once in my life. (And that was not fun!) When I was a teenager, I hated how pale I was because it was “cool” to be tan, and everyone thought I stayed inside all of the time. (Which I do now.) But you know what? I like my skin. I like how pale I am because it is me. I don’t care if I glow under black lights. I like who I am, and – again – it’s my Welsh roots. It’s also something I share with my late mother (as well as my crazy, curly hair that I used to hide because straight hair was “cool.”) I should be proud, and I am. Just for clarification reasons, because I do not want this to be taken the wrong way: I have nothing against being tan or any other color for that matter. This is simply me embracing who I am. I am not, in any way, trying to encourage others to be pale like me. Physical appearances do not matter, and that is the ultimate point.
Now that I shared a few of my previous insecurities, I wanted to add one thing:
I am genuinely a happy person, but there are days that I regress, and that’s okay. I look at insecurities the same way. Even after overcoming them, you might have an insecure moment or two or hundreds over a lifetime, but that’s okay. Just try to remember what’s really important – and that’s what’s on the INSIDE and what resides in your ACTIONS.
I could can cry about my eyebrows or I can learn how to make them do the wave and laugh at my goofy expressions. I can complain about my injuries like my left hand, but I can also remember that I have other parts of my body that work just fine that others might not even have. A doctor can give me plastic surgery on my body, but only I can change my mind and my heart. And your mind and your heart will guide you, aid you, and embrace you.
No matter what, you can love yourself, and love overcomes everything else.
P.S. I’m still accepting reviewers of Seconds Before Sunrise (book 2 of The Timely Death Trilogy.) If you’re interested in reading my novels, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to hear from you. The first one is also on sale for only $3.89, and I would be more than happy to hear your thoughts.